Assessing Personal Values, Memoirs of Discerning the Lord's Will

“Oh Lord, you have examined my heart

and know everything about me…

You know what I am going to say

Even before I say it, Lord…

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

Too great for me to understand!

…You knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!”

Psalm 139: 1, 4, 6, 13, & 14

Nothing about me surprises God. In fact, all the quirks, desires, and pieces of my personality make me the unique being that God designed! How can I not put an exclamation mark at the end of that sentence!? So when praying about where God will lead me next, my personal values are a good starting indicator. HE has placed those values in me before I was born! HE knows how they will make me think and talk and walk! 

Even though God’s Word says I am complex, it would be easy for me to make a decision for myself based on my top desires. The situation increases in joyful complexity when we are a family of 5. My husband has personal values different from myself, and our 3 kids likewise.

Karl and I benefit from doing a Personal Values Assessment—a tangible way to identify and define individual values so we can better understand not only ourselves, but also each other. It does wonders for preventing arguments when you can clearly articulate your unique complexities.

The assessment that we took was given to us by a counselor for Christian missionaries,
and it takes into account that we already share the core values of 

1. Laying down our lives in surrender to Jesus Christ, and 

2. Committing to make Him known to the ends of the earth.  
  

All the other parts of our lives stem from this, and we walk the path of faith together. 

At the same time, we are different people, with unique traits. The unique values of our personality are as follows:

My top 3 personal values:

1.     Where we live—the physical place = what it looks like, feels like, and what’s outside my window; making a space for rest, inspiration, welcoming others, and appreciating God’s beauty. All of this impacts my daily well-being. We've served in a lot of places, I can say with confidence that my favorite place in the world will always be Texas.  

2.     Family Togetherness = Our family of 5 + my parents and siblings + grandma + best friend who feels like family + all the extensions--aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. The whole crew is extremely important to me. Being apart from them is painful. Other people may highly value their family relationships while still living apart. I value togetherness. It’s why when homeschool days are long and hard, I still stick with it, because being together is a core value.

3.     Community = professional + spiritual + social relationships. I’m a HIGH extrovert. Relationships—good, refreshing, playful, and inspiring-- are needed for me to thrive. I learn best by observing others, not reading books. Community is vital to my personal and spiritual growth.

Karl and I share only 1 top core value.

Karl’s top 3 personal values:

1.     Recreation. Karl likes to laugh, he likes to run outside, he likes to relax with a good book or movie. For him, a mix of these things is necessary to keep him easy-going. Karl is rarely stressed, but if he ever experiences stress, it is usually because one of these elements of recreation has been choked for a season.

2.     Community. Karl is slightly more introverted than myself, so he thrives with fewer relationships that are deep and loyal. In order for it to be a truly refreshing relationship for him, it must incorporate his top value of recreation.

3.     Variety/Balance. When Karl takes a personality test, he scores right down the middle. "Even Steven" was his nickname in college. Karl can sit down with a spreadsheet and work it with excellence. He can do that for two weeks. If he does it for two months, he wants to jab his eyes out. He needs to balance the active with administrative, the face-to-face with the behind-the-scenes. He has thrived personally because of his job with Cru that has allowed him to make his days different and make his seasons different.

I value variety and balance too, it’s probably in my top 5. But it doesn’t beat the top 3 for me. Karl loves his family, but his proximity to them doesn’t affect him the same. And where we live—the house, the city, or nation, actually makes no matter to him AT ALL. This is something that I just can't relate to, since for me, it is the top matter.

Our difference in personal values is why I refer to our potential next step as places, and he refers to them as jobs. The job is more important to him, the location more important to me.

When we were making a decision in 2008 of our next phase of life, we found a location/position that matched ALL SIX of our top values. Slam dunk! 

We are again approaching a season of decision, although this time, there are several options before us, and no obvious slam dunk. That's because there is more to discerning God’s will than personal values, which I will get to in further memoirs.

Reflection: 

What are ways that God has made me wonderfully complex?
What are values that He has knit in me?
What makes me smile, energized, eager to persevere?
What brings out the best in me?
What, how, where, and with who do I walk best with the Lord?